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AKJ^O UJYCEMEJYT, 



In presenting ''Griffith's Series of 
West Coast Literature" to the public, 
the aim of the publishers is to issue in a 
series the work of native authors, of the 
past and present, which merit preservation 
in the field of permanent literature. 

A high standard in selections will be in- 
variably maintained, as the Series is in- 
tended to be representative of original liter- 
ature by west coast authors, occasionally 
including past works by standard authors, 
which possess a permanent literary interest, 
thus making the Series attractive to all 
classes of readers. 

The Series will be edited by Lorenzo 
Sosso and Frederick L. Griffith. Each 
nuniber will contain an introduction espec- 



ially prepared for it, and the volume will 
be complete in every detail. 

The various issues will be uniform in 
style and price. In thin boards with paper 
covers, substantially bound, at 50c each, 
and in cloth, gilt title, library style, at 75c 
per volume. 

New numbers will be added from time to 
time. They may be obtained through any 
bookseller, or will be sent, post paid, by the 
publishers, upon receipt of the price. 



Next number will contain 

'^SAVANNAH; A Dramatic Episode," 

By 

Frederick L. Griffith. 



THOUGHTS AHD PASTELS. 



''^ Books are the windows through ivhich the 
soul looks out.'^ — Beecher. 



Thoughts aed Pastels 



BY 



CHARLES P. NETTLETON, 



^ No. 1. ' 

^^RIFFITH'S SERIES of WEST COAST LITERATURE 
Edited by 
LORENZO SOSSO and FRED'K L. GRIFFITH. 



san francisco: 

Griffith Publishing Company 

1035 howaed street. 



1894. ^ ., ...:;ici^^^ 






%€iS^/i^ ^ 



f 5 ^^5^ 



Copyright, 1892, 

BY 
CHARLli:S P. NettletoN/ 



INTRODUCTION. 



Mr. Charles P. Nettleton, the author of 
this voJume, is a young man of notable 
qualities and scholarly attainqjents. Al- 
though not a native of the Pacific Coast, yet 
he properly belongs to, and may be classed 
with the younger school of California writers, 
which, in the last few years, has risen on 
this western slope — a school that is rapidly 
advancing and will yet command much 
attention in the world of literature. Mr. 
Nettleton has made many fr-iends among the 
readers throughout the coast and the east, 
having been, for some time, a contributer to 



8 INTRODUCTION. 

several eastern magazines and to the few of 
the west, particularly the Californian Maga- 
zine. His productions, while at times not 
very pretentious, are enjoyed and held in 
high favor by a wide circle of readers, friends 
and admirers. The high standard and 
finish that he maintains, and which per- 
vades his selections, stamp his work as 
that of an original writer of the most prom- 
ising kind. 

This is the first volume of collected work 
from -the pen of Mr. Nettleton, and while 
not pretentious nor of an elaborate order, 
yet will favorably stand comparison with 
many first works of other writers, who have, 
in their later years, been recognized by the 
literary w\>rld as men of genius. 

The first part of the volume is given up 
to "Thoughts," or meditations, and they 
embrace a vast variety of subjects. Many 
of them, while not distinguished by any 
catholicity of spirit, are remarkable for 



INTRODUCTION. 9 

their incisive fervor of sentiment, pervaded, 
as they are, by the breath of a pure and 
sincere religion. They are also distinctive 
of an equality of temperment, richly forti- 
fied by a serene faith in God; and apart 
from their literary qualities, they, altogether, 
form a collection of thoughts on diverse 
subjects, most conscientiously and faith- 
fully expressive of the author's meditations 
on things mundane and eternal. 

The sixteen "Pastels," which constitute 
the remaining part, are both original and 
pointed in their meaning. A few of their 
number have appeared in the magazines, but 
the major part are here given for the first 
time. "Picturesque Parables" might have 
seemed a more appropriate title than the 
word "Pastels," yet no word other than the 
one adopted, would have conveyed, so 
briefly, an understanding of the nature of 
the work, and introduced us so aimably 
into the strange creations of Mr, Nettleton's 

2—9 



10 INTRODUCTION. 

fancy — half parables, half pastels; so origin- 
al, so unique in their construction, and so 
earnest in their conviction. 

L. S. 

F. L. G. 



PREFACE. 



1. Deep subjects and high ideals can 
hardly be dwelt on too much, nor can a 
thoughtful presentation of them ever be out 
of place. 

2. Whoso thinks at all, speaks perforce, 
and because it is as impossible for him to 
keep silence, if he be honest, as it is for the 
lighted candle to extinguish itself. 

3. Some books are flowers from the plant 
of life, and no thoroughly honest man will 
allow any bloom of his life to be seen by 
others unless he is sure it possesses more 
truth or beauty than their opposites. 

4. In our own work we take as much 
pleasure in the process as in the result, but 
in the work of others conclusions alone yield 
us the most pleasure and profit. 

5. We can read in a few seconds that 
which it took one hours, perhaps, to think 
out and write to his satisfaction; ergo^ w^ 



12 PREFACE. 

should ]'arely pap>s unfavorable or even 
favorable judgment on an}^ matter before 
having considered it carefully. Thought 
demands thought. 

6. A true man cares not whether his 
book die or live save as he cares for the 
death of falsehood and the life of truth. 

7. If others shall receive even part of the 
pleasure and help from reading this book 
that I have received from writing it, I shall 
feel deeply rewarded. 



C. P. N. 



Haywards, Cal., 
October, 189S. 



i^For the kind permission to use in this voltime 
some matter which originally appeai^ed in THE 
GALIFORNIAN ILLUSTRATED MAGA- 
ZINE, SHORT STORIES, PACIFIC 
RURAL PRESS, and other magazines, 
acknoivledgement is due the editors and gladly 
made.) 



To M**'^ 

'''The Sun, the Sim/^ I cried. Ah yesl 
I knew that 'flash as men must guess . 
The dawn at 2cakwg. Holy light^ 
That drew my soid to thee, Good-night. 
My path — peace] olVs icell with thee-, less 
Than that could I wish thee? I bless 
The Giver, Taker, — He does iHght, — 
And wait that Day none say, Good-night. 
love, no light of stars nor earth-caress 
7>* sweet as thinking of life's last Good-night, 



CONTENTS. 



P AGB, 

Introduction 7 

Preface 11 

Thoughts 17 

Pastels in Prose: 

I. Duty 59 

II. A Saint 60 

III. In the Shadow 61 

IV. The Turning of The Leaf 63 

V. The Measure of The Draught of 

Life 64 

VI. In The Night 66 

VII. The Outcast 68 

VIII. Lost 70 

IX. "If You Love Me, Lean Hard" ... 72 

X. Seraphael and Seraphita 75 

XL The Dance 78 

XII. The Unbuilt Temple 80 

XIII. The House of Annihilation 82 

XIV. Perfumes 84 

XV. Through Men 85 

XVI. The Passing of A Man's Soul . . . .86 



Hold open the door of thy heart -^ 
Reach out, as I reach unto you] 

Hand in hand let us ponder^ apart ^ 
In the glory of quest for the True. 



THOUGHTS. 



1. Thought is practical only when it 
keeps practical things in subjection. 

2. If flowers are the language of angels, 
music is the language of God. 

3. Our comfjrts render us complacent, 
lazy; our sorrows keep us painfully awake 
and also force comforts to minister strength, 

4. Hard it is to feel that what we know 
would be our best thoughts we cannot ex- 
press to even ourselveB. 

5. Strife for truth is a kind of praise to 
God. 

6. He who teaches men to think does 
thorn a nobler service than he who teaches 
them all other things combined. 

7. Man is the soul of nature, and each 
man is to himself the soul of nature. That 
is, if he be noble and love nature he will see 
in her just so much of beauty and worth as 
he is, and if he be mean himself he will 
care little for her and see hardly a shadow 
of her beauty. 

3—17 



18 THOUGHTS AND PASTELb% 

8. The law of compensation is spiritually 
what the law of conservation of energy is 
materially. No act in either world ends 
with the act itself. 

9. The devil hates solitude. 

10. When we look back on ourselves as 
we were one year ago we see wherein we 
were foolish and how often w^e committed 
eviL Let us be hun:ible at the present time^ 
for in a year from now we shall again reach 
the same conclusion, 

11. All can be active; they who accom- 
plish, do so by combining wisdom with 
their activity. 

12. Paradoxical but true: the greater 
the heart the less room in it for evil. 

13. Wouldst thou have thy burdens 
lightened? Help thy brother in his need 
and tenfold shall it be returned thee. 

14. Is it the ambition of thy life to great- 
ly bless thy fellow-men? This may be more 
easily accomplished, perhaps, than thou 
thinkest. Begin with thyself, live purely, 
nobly, unselfishly, and so far as this is done 
thy purpose is fruitioned. Do more if thou 
canst, but to govern one kingdom is more 
than most men do. 



THOUGHTS AND PASTELS. 19 

15.- Most of the evil wrought in the 
world is the result of thoughtlessness, not 
premeditation, but it is none the less an evil, 
and, seeing it could have been prevented, a 
orime. 

16. All knowledge is good in itself, but 
unless a man has omnipotent strength he 
had better lot some of it alone till he has. 

17. It is better to do a wrong act from a 
good motive than a good act from a wrong 
motive. 

18. We ought to view everything from 
the standpoint of God. 

19. When we cannot at the same time 
be true to ourselves and true to others we 
must be true to ourselves. Right may fall 
back one step in our direction but it gains 
two in another. 

20. To tire of a thing is no sign of in- 
constancy; rather is it the reverse, as it 
may show we are true to a higher principle. 

21. -What does oiiginality consist in ex- 
cept in appropriating and using to an un- 
usual and striking advantage facts and 
observations which are public property? 
When comes a mind great enough to prop- 
erly appreciate and present common occur- 



20 THOUGHTS AND PASTELS. 

rences — and all occurrences are common — 
then we say: Behold a genius! 

22. Gain first God's approval, then thine 
own, setting thj small watch by the great 
Regulator, and let the opinion of the world 
count for naught. Do right; if the world 
approve, well; if not, thou losest but a trifle. 

23. Recognition of truth is not sympathy 
with truth, although often confounded with 
it. 

24. Men of great attainments receive tao 
much praise, while men of small calibre, 
who achieve, in consequence, little, do not 
receive enough praise, though they may 
have exjerted more strength proportionately. 

25. To the wise man no thing is strange^ 
because every thing is strange. 

23. The man who is not an optimist is 
thoughtless, or of poor judgment, or a 
knave. 

27. We speak of "great men"; is this to 
our credit? Yes, and No. Yes, because we 
ought to recognize a man's natural and ac- 
quired qualities, and No, because we ought 
to be his equal in striving for Truth, in 
which alone true greatness consists. 

28. The Scholar, while in the world, is 
not of the world All things be must put 



THOUGHTS AND TASTELP, 21 

under his feet; he must try to be the Truth, 
and hence every thing must submit to him, 
that is, to the Truth. 

29. "But," thou sayest, "every one 
ought to seek the Truth;" very true: every 
one, then, ought to be a Scholar. 

30. SteadiJy and more clearly do I see 
that there is nothing in the world but little 
things. These little things, however, ac- 
quire a startling significance when viewed 
in this light. 

31. When a man works so much that he 
has no time or room for pride he receives 
more honor from others than he could ever 
giye himself. 

32. Most of us are not strong enough to 
be gentle; w^e are weak, and attempt to con- 
ceal it by indifference and rudeness. 

33. Man is a spirit consisting of two 
principles, and the stage beyond the 
period of earthly existence is the contin- 
uing and perfecting of the principle which 
predominated here. Which rules thee the 
more, Good or Evil? 

34. The best — noblest — diplomacy is to 
have none. 

35. In wanting to be loved, better give 



22 THOUGJlTy AND PASTELS. 

love to an hundred persons who do not love 
thee than vvait for some one to love thee first. 

36. True sorrow for sin indicates such 
advance that the soul will not again fall as 
readily into it. 

37. The soul should not, and in think- 
ing persons does not, find any thing purely 
negative. Each thing assists or retards 
progress. 

38. As the fact of the earth's moving 
can be proved only by an appeal to reason, 
so the fact of future life can be proved only 
by an appeal to intuition, and not, in either 
case, by the senses. 

39. Almost every man is honestly 
anxious for himself to develope, yet seems 
naturally to think of every one else as 
stationary. 

40. We do not fully understand our- 
selves, yet lay down rules for the conduct 
of others! 

41. If each man had half as much char- 
ity for the world in general as he has for 
himself, strife of all kinds would cease. 

42. If we are strong and wish it, no 
thing can injure us and each thing will do 
us good. 



THOUGHTS AND PASTELS. 28 

43. Many people pray too much in 
words; the best prayer, the only true prayer 
is work. 

44. The ^'ery fact that we cannot al- 
ways decide a point proves our indefinite 
and immense capabilities, and should be 
the source of an awful joy. Did we feel a 
limit in thinking we should have to decide 
our powers mortal. 

45. Set that man down as one who looks 
on death as the end of all who always finds 
language adequate to express his feelings. 

46. Better be wholly unsuccessful in a 
right course than successful in a wrong 
one. 

47. While genius has little regard for 
common-sense, a lack of common-sense does 
not necessarily indicate genius. 

48. Of ourself we tell only the good; of 
our neighbors perhaps the good, but cer- 
tainly the bad. 

49. To expect love to be perfectly satis- 
fied with anything less than love in return, 
is as futile as expecting a woman's fan to 
create a vacuum in the open air. 

50. Our capacity for learning from 
others is proportioned to our capacity for 
putting ourself in their place. 



24 THOUGHTS AND PASTELS. 

51. People who always want a reason 
for everything resemble the man who would 
demand proof of the statement that the 
shortest line between two points is a 
straight line. 

52. Strange, that in things temporal we 
desire to possess others' goods, or at least 
goods like others', but in ihings spiritual 
think our own attainments the best! It 
shows how much more strongly we are 
■aifected through the senses than through 
the soul. 

53. If we are dissatisfied with our at- 
tainments there is hope for us. Then so 
long as dissatisfaction exists we should 
be satisfied. 

54. After all, viewed aright, nothing 
can be too much trouble in itself. 

55. One reason why so many persons 
feel a great reserve towards others is that 
the disagreeables are on the surface, and 
what we wish to say does not harmonize 
with the externals. 

56. The law of contrast is stronger than 
the law^ of harmony. This is one of the 
reasons why discords are sometimes 
written in music, "that harmony should be 
prized." 



THOUGHTS AND PASTELS. 25 

57. The originality which takes a form 
unwise in itself is better than a slavish 
conformity to society, which would mold 
all into a dead life. The only trouble lies 
in the^ fact that the originality takes a 
wrong form. 

58. The habit of questioning every 
thing, which by so many is considered 
dangerous to purity, is absolutely neces- 
sary; the only danger is from false judg- 
ment. 

59. However much we may think our 
ideal man is the combination of the qual- 
ities most nearly perfect of all our acquaint- 
ances, he is most nearly like ourself. 

60. God's curse on man was not that he 
must labor, but that the labor necessary to 
existence should antagonize the soul 
and hinder its development. We must eat 
before we think. Yet with watchfulness 
this very curse may be transmuted' into 
gold. 

61. The philospher sees Truth, and sees 
it in its barest form; the poet sees also the 
beauty of Truth. 

62. Troubles and griefs are the rain- 
■storms of the soul. 

63. The wicked man values his repu- 



26 THOUGHTS AND PASTELS. 

tation, not his character, while the right- 
eous man cares for his character and but 
very little for his reputation. 

64. Bondage to Truth is the only free- 
dom known. 

65. Perfect knowledge of one natural 
object, o.ie blade of grass for instance, 
would explain all earthly things. 

66. We demand sympathy but give 
only pity. 

67. It is better to decide, be the de- 
cision right or wrong, than to be contin- 
ually wavering. 

68. And still, better waver than decide 
and then never be willing to change. 

69. He who cannot change his opin- 
ions is a fool; he who will not change them 
is a knave. 

70. Age petrifies most people as silica 
hardens wood, but a few resemble the ever- 
green, which is larger and more symmetri- 
cal in old age than in youth. 

71. Love is the greatest developer of the 
soul hence love is the end, the object, of 
our present existence 

72. For thinking people condensed in- 
formation is best, but most people do not 
think for themselves, hence the immense 



THOUGHTS AND PASTELS. 27 

amount of mental pabulum. The daily- 
paper is as much a curse as a blessing. 

7-3. 'Out of sight, out of mind;" if this 
were quite true, how happy we might be! 

74. Look on the worst side of the past, 
and the best side of the future. 

75. We can best impress ourselves on 
others by our love. Wisdom repels at first, 
but love attracts, and opens the way for 
wisdom. Hence, if you would do the most 
good, love. 

76. If we be God'y children it is impos- 
sible, in the full sense of that word, for him 
to forsake us: can he forsake himself? 

77. I hold that idea to be a true one, 
that was held in former times more exten- 
sively than now, that each man is an actual 
part of God. Like all best things it can be 
perverted into a most serious evil, but if I 
believe it to be true I may say so. It is an 
awful thought. It throws a light on the 
problem of our existence, and makes our 
lives more sublime than ever. 

78. Evil is limited, good is unlimited. 
We see no end to good, and straightway are 
discouraged because we are so far from per- 
fection. 

79. Silence is Perfection: language and 



28 THOUGHTS AiVD PASTELS". 

all other material things are imperfect and 
very annoying at times, but we think of 
Silence and rejoice, I sometimes think 
God, Heaven, Eternity, all dwell in Silence. 

80. There is really no "reward" and 
"punishment" for good and evil. Remorse 
for sin, which we call "punishment" is a 
part of sin, its culmination, and good finds 
Heaven to be simply the perfection of itself 

81. Self-denial is the purest form of 
selfishness. 

82. Few people can have what they 
want in the material world, but in the realm 
of the mind men can be pretty nearly what 
they WILL to be. 

83. We are aware, by its effects, of a 
power not connected with the senses. It ap- 
peals to the soul from all material objects, 
from some more strongl}^ than from others,, 
but it eludes our comprehension and even 
grasp; we cannot define it. We are perhaps 
reading a book and feel strongly drawn to 
take up some other book unread before, 
when lo! this last passage is a companion to 
or climax of the first. We feel a presence in 
the room, and may perhaps know whom it 
is, yet we learned it not through the fiv«^ 



TriOlTGHTB AND PASn^LP, 29 

.senses. Who shall instruct us in this lan- 
guage, this intuition of the spirit? 

84. The souls of mankind cesmbiiied 
would not make a God. 

85. Thoughtlessness is the most extreme 
selfishness in its relation to others, and the 
worst possible evil in its relation to ourself. 

86. Our highest moments are our truest. 
We must judge ourselves by such moments, 
and measure our acts and attainments b}^ 
their height and not by the low standard of 
common hours. 

87. If every man were so good as in his 
heart he believes himself to be, five men 
would fully supply the world. 

88. Woe betide a man if in his care for 
his house he starve the master of the house t 
We must eat and take care of the body in 
many ways, but most men end with that, 
forgetting the soul. 

89. One's habitual thoughts react on the 
will which formed them, each strengthening 
the other. Do we like to think? Good. Are 
our thoughts pure and beautiful? Better, 
And if they fruition into life, best of all, and 
the reason why we have the thinking 
faculty. 

90. Concentration of thought on one ideji? 



80 THOUGHTS AND PASTELS. 

at a time, long continued, it may be, is the 
secret of most succesB, most knowledge, and 
while we are about it ¥/hy not dwell on 
worthy objects? Most men drift without aim; 
grasp the oars and get somewhere! 

91. Marriage, while giving one person 
to the other, makes each more capable of 
blessing others. Thus while in a form selfish, 
marriage is still more unselfish. 

92. The greatest thinker is he who can 
tell us most about ourself. 

93. The older the body the younger 
^— purer — the soul should be. 

94. Strike your colors to no man. You 
too are a man, and must live originally, for 
yourself and out of yourself. 

95. A religious man adapts himself to 
God, while a fanatic adapts God to himself. 

96. All known things may be classed 
under four names: materially, dust and soul; 
spiritually, good and evil. 

97. Geniuses are they who understand 
the art of expression, first to themselves, 
then outwardly. They utter what others 
only feel. 

98. The highest practicality is the ma- 
terialization of ideality. 

99. The pessimist sayp^ There is a val- 



THOUGHTS AND PASTELS. 31 

ley for every hili: the optimist says. There 
is a hill for every valley. 

100. When souls shall be able to com- 
municate with each other by other means 
than the body, they will give and receive 
perfection, they will know and will be at 
peace simply through existing. 

101. Soul is supreme and should be in- 
different to every conceivable thing but it- 
self. This is why great men so often shock 
us by their disregard of bodily and social 
laws; but our fault it is, not their's. 

102. A man, like a tree, should grow 
heavenward in defiance of all material laws: 
let him but say, I am superior, and he is 
superior. 

103. The only result of staring into the 
mystery of human life is to bring tears to 
the eyes, tears of pain to some and of joy 
to others. 

104. A soul, perfection, can never ex- 
press itself perfectly through the medium it 
has at present, an imperfect body. 

105. While we ]ive in the past and the 
future, we possess only the past. 

106. As in music one continued discord 
ruins the entire piece, so one continued sin 
may ruin a man's whole life. 



32 THOUGHTS AND PASTELS. 

107. Praise tends to lower some men's 
standard, censure always strengthens. 

108. Music is the expression of silence. 
Music, of all things which appeal to the 
senses, is a link and the only link between 
heaven and earth. It appeals to the senses, 
it is true, l)ut is the purest, least earthly, 
the one perfect thing, of all things which do 
so appeal. 

109. There are three uses of love. First, 
the prostitution of love into sexual passion, 

■which is— what we call — beastly. Second, 
the degradation of love, into finding in man 
the end of love. The third use of love, 
which alone is right, is the thought of love 
as Perfection — another word for God — each 
man and, if you wish, each living object, 
being but a fragment. Hence, love is rev- 
erential. Also, the truest love always has an 
element of dissatisfaction in it, cannot con- 
tain itself with less than the whole. 

110. If life be hard^ it is so that we may 
learn how to make it easy. 

111. Because things in this world are 
wholly relative, it is sometimes true that an 
act which is wrong to one man is right to 
another. 

112. Love must be active or it will die. 



THOUGHTS AND PASTELS. 33 

llo. Perfection is the marriage of matter 
and mind. Or. it is Vv^hen the attainments of 
matter equal the attainments of mind, or 
when ability equals thought. 

114. If vve were able to see with the 
bodily eye a true man. that is, the spirit, as, 
say, Emerson, the sight would dazzle us. 
We could not see even so small -a part of 
God without trembling. 

115. The isolation of a great mind must 
beone of the worst concomitants of genius. 

116. The more we love a person, the less, 
as a rule, we feel like talking when in his 
presence. The very consciousness of being 
near him is all-sufficent. 

117. What more may man ask than to 
be literally a child of God? 

118. If he who criticises does not benefit 
others or himself he is doing no good, but is 
''creation's blot, creation's blank". 

119. Slang is dethroned poetry. 

120. All excel in one or two good traits, 
he who excels in most is the great man. 

121. Every man owes the world all the 
nobility of character it is possible for him to 
become possessed of. One of the few things 
wherein man underestimates himself is his 



34 THOUGHTS AND PASTELS. 

influence on others. The world is more 
strongly affected by him than he thinks. 

122. Speak nothing but good of the dead ; 
we know enough evil of the living. 

123. To be never discouraged is not 
always a sign of wisdom. 

124. God is the author of the two 
grandest poems ever written, Woman, and 
Nature. 

125. It is our bounden duty to ennoble 
ourselves and others. This demands work^ 
but neglect is a crime. 

126. God never allows an unnecessary 
person; every living human being is essen- 
tial to creation. He has a commission to 
fulfil, and just damnation awaits the man 
who runs away or wilfully neglects his 
work. 

127. Hope is frequently inverted experi- 
ence. 

128. Each thing in the material world 
is symbolic. The primary reason for its ex- 
istence is that it mav bless the soul of man. 

^ 

129. To have our good acts evil spoken 
of is better than to have our bad acts well 
spoken of. 

130. Let fancy fly, but judgment 
should walk. 



THOUGHTS AND PASTELS. 35 

131. Almost all men believe that right 
'shall ultimately triumph, but why do they 
not act up to this conviction? Because they 
are either thoughtless or selfish. 

132. The world may owe you a living, 
but the nobility that you owe the world is 
a greater debt and will forbid you taking 
your due. 

133. Moro great poems are lived than 
written. 

134. The man who works not with either 
body or brain is a curse. He is a very devil, 
fobbing himself, mankind, and God. 

135. The human heart must overflow 
when great grief or joy comes, or else, per- 
liaps unconsciously, suffer physically. 

136. The mysterious is always the most 
fascinating. 

137. Most people can bear blame from 
-enemies, but few can withstand flattery 
from friends. 

138. Love is a paradox: beginning with- 
Tegard for one, it is not diminished but 
greatly increased by b'eiug allowed to over- 
flow on others. 

139. With the exception of love, its 
Kiaother,, nothing terrestrial satisfies a man 



6b THOUGHTS AND PASTELfe\ 

SO completely as to have a woman whom he 
likes jealous of him! 

140. A verbal promise is as binding 
morall}^ as a written promise is legally. 

141. Make a distinction between inher- 
ited and acquired nobility. The one we de- 
serve no credit for, the other we deserve nil 
credit for. 

142. Unapplied wisdom is like pearls in 
the sea. 

143. No act is negative; it is either good 
or bad. 

144. The rule, Silence is golden, is gen- 
erally true, but there are many times when 
silence is dishonoring> 

145. The highest test of love is the sers- 
timent expressed in this phrase by Mrs, 
Browning: "You please me when you please 
yourself". 

146. Throughout Nature, as we know 
her, nothing is lost: apparently destroyed ^ 
the object has sinaply assumed another form. 
So it is in the moral world: good deeds, bad 
words, all leave ineffaceable impressions. 

147. All persons displease me in some- 
way; shall I, therefore, refuse to love them? 
Nay; I should rather exert myself to love 
them so much for the good that is in tben^ 



THOUGHTS AND PASTELB. 37 

that i«y thoughts of their good qualities 
shall outweigh my thoughts of their bad 
ones. 

1-18. The highest joys are inseparable 
from the greatest griefs, and whether or no 
both shall affectum for good depends on our- 

149. He who never believes the simple 
statements of others cannot expect to be ever 
believed himself. 

150. The heart that beats strongest for 
suffering man is the heart best capable of 
loving God. 

151. Wisdom is one of the few good 
things which sometimes comes to man un- 
sought. 

152. True greatness is tolerant of others^ 
scrutiny; the mean soul cannot bear inves- 
tigation. 

153. A man proud without reason is a 
most detestable creature; proud with reason 
he is allowable, but negative. 

154. The man who is humble enough to 
acknowledge that others' opinions are some- 
times better than his own is wise enough to 
be seldom wrong. 

155. Good blesses the doer of it more 
than the receiver. 



38 THOUGHTS AND PASTELS. 

156. When nobody has anything to say 
against me, let me die! 

157. The soul's instinct must be the de- 
cider of what is right and what is wrong, 
but as every soul is more or less i^nperfect 
it follow.s that men v/ill always differ in 
their judgment. We have no absolute 
standard of perfection, or, rather, we are not 
able to either see perfection or agree on a 
definition of it. 

158. The same qualities precisely are in 
all men, but not in equal proportions. 

159. Men break promises made to a 
multitude when they keep those made to 
one person, but in other matters they honor 
the mass even when they despise every in- 
dividual man in it. 

160. Probably thought is as substanial 
to a spirit as material things are to the body. 

161. Our joys may cease and we are sad 
for a time: but when hope ceases neither the 
past nor the present can please ns. 

162. It should be our aim not to keep 
the sabbath holier than the other days, but 
to make all the days as holy as the sabbath. 

163. Paralysis of the soul is the worst 
disease on earth, and the most common. 



THOUGHTS AND PASTELS, 39 

164. Love curves on itself and rewards 
the lover more than the beloved. 

165. Society and solitude are of equal 
necessity. In society we receive: in solitude 
we digest. But ah, blessed are we if in 
solitude we can both receive and digest. 

166. God, looking into the future, sees 
man — able and compelled to choose for him- 
self — decide betweeii heaven and hell, and 
then, having allowed him to choose, ordains 
that as his choice is in time so shall be his 
portion in eternity. This and this only is 
predestination. 

167. Despair is the illegitimate child of 
Misfortune and Weakness. 

168. Our life is a cloud, hiding the sky 
of eternity. 

169. When truths seem not to harmonize 
be sure a link, a third truth, connecting the 
two others, is missing. Truths must neces- 
sarily harmonize, but our imperfect know- 
ledge raises confusion. 

170. Which is harder, to see the evil in 
the persons we like, or to see the good in 
those we do not like? 

171. Life forms the body,— and then is 
subject to it! 



40 THOUGHTS A^^D PASTEi.S. 

172. If we were as afraid of being wrong 
as we are of being serious we would be so 
serious that we would not be so often wrong. 

, 173. Eternity is not prolonged tinne, but 
a state. 

174. The wise man knows the fool for a 
fool, but the fool can never know the wise 
man for a wise man, or he would be wise 
himself. The greater may include the less 
and still be great, but the part is never more 
than a part. 

175. Each man is necessarily the stand- 
ard, in one sense, by v\:hich he measures 
all else, both man and matter. 

176. If we did as well as we know, we 
would soon be perfect. 

177. Progress self-evidently invol ves life, 
and life is, we may say, the growing princi- 
ple. Now bodily life of all kinds feeds on 
material lower than itself, but soul-life feeds 
on principles, or life, higher than itself. 

178. Many persons' externals are more 
beautiful than they themselves, as, face and 
manners, but persons inwardly beautiful are 
usually beautiful in externals also. 

179. The peace of life is a totally dif- 
ferent thing from the peace of death. 



THOUGHTS AND PASTELS, 41 

180. Things which we absolutely know 
but which, from the nature of the case, are 
not provable to others and w^hich we will 
not explain, most people will neither believe 
nor forgive us for affirming. 

181. The highest compliment that can 
be paid to a woman is to treat her as a man 
should be treated: that is, frankly and 
honestly, with the utmost courtesy and 
purity. 

182. We judge ourselves by what, we do, 
that is, the good; we judge others by their 
omission of the good, that is, their sins. 

183. The hypocrite is never so near ex- 
posure as when his righteousness is called 
into question; no one shall question his 
righteousness. 

184. The worst form of conceit is- that 
springing from humility, 

185. The pain in ecstasy of feeling is 
caused by the inability of the body to keep 
pace with the unusual demands of the soul. 

186. Senses, or the sense, may be right, 
spirit is right. Sense involves a mixture of 
evil with good; spirit is wholly pure. 

187. The worst hunger is that of the 
heart, for love: the worst satiety is that of 
the heart, being obliged, through not finding 

6 



42 THOUGHTS AND PASTELS. 

any one to love, to expend all its love-wealth 
on itself. 

188. I wish to fear nothing that I know 
of but fear. 

189. Instinct is the sun, reason the moon, 

190. The fear of intruding is often a great 
discourtesy: friends must not act like ac- 
quaintances. 

191. Reason is confined to the earth, 
spirit, or intuition, is unconfined. 

192. We should prepare for death? Not 
so: we should prepare for something more 
solemn — Life. 

193. Irreverence for the name of God is 
by no means the only form of profanity. 
Any good thing,— person, object, or idea, 
may be profaned. 

194. There are two classes of people to 
whom we reveal ourselves; our friends, be- 
cause they understand us, and a cerUiin 
other class because— they are stupid. 

195. The more we love ourselves the 
more we please God; The less we love our- 
selves the more we please God. Both these 
statements are true. 

196. Perfect freedom of soul can ne ver 
be obtained without first conforming per- 
fectly to the natural needs of the body. 



THOUGHTS AND PASTELS. 48 

r97. The best friend distrusts himself 
'more than he does his friend. 

198. If we with all the heart desired per- 
fection, we should be perfect. The perfect 
desire and the attainment are identical. 

199. "Pain is a sign of life," but life 
need not be a sign of pain. 

200. Working as a fragment of the 
whole, a man may honorably accept any aid 
offered. Working selfishly,' to accept* any 
aid is dishonorable. 

201. Labor may be dignified, but some 
men are compelled to be decidedly undig- 
nified in doing it. 

202. For a person who has never loved 
to try to understand it is like a blind person 
endeavoring to judge of the merits of 
a picture. He may handle it, and possibly 
gnin some little impression of it through 
the finger-tips, but — ! 

203. Excess of hope is despair. 

204. Intuition compels, reason advises. 

205. Men reverence the dead more than 
the living, and thus prove themselves fools, 

206. The real basis of all love, all friend- 
ship, all goodwill, is reverence. 

207. The strength as well as the diffi- 
eulty of renouncing is exactly propvortioned 



44 THOUGHTS AND PASTELS. 

to the intensity of the feeling present, if we 
but knew it. 

208. Affectation is the desire to appear 
different from what we are, but it is some- 
times confused with the desire to develope 
and improve ourselves. 

209. Abstract truth has little influence 
over us; to draw us strongly it must be con- 
nected with something earthly. 

210. The more we lean on others the 
more capable we are of strengthening others. 

211. "The world is a chaos; life is a 
puzzle and a farce;" granted for the sake of 
the argument: perhaps it is thy sole business 
to bring some order into the world, and to 
solve life and make it serious by the dignity 
of thy actions. 

212. Is the darkness of the beyond worse 
than the folly of the past? Take heart, then, 
be brave and wise, using well thy materials, 
however poor they may be. 

213. Which prefer you to see, a symmetr 
rical and handsomely carved statue oY 
wood, or an ugly one of ivory? If compelled 
to choose, which would you be? 

214. What if all the range of Uvotes in 
sound that we can hear, from lowest bass to 
highest treble^ should bo but one note in the 



THOUGHTS AND PASTeLS. 45 

whole of music, — the middle C, say, frag- 
mented for man! 

215. Knowledge is often more lament- 
able than ignorance, because used wrongly. 
Still, learn at any cost. 

216. We sometiuies utter truths and yet 
are not able to explain how we come to say 
them, nor even to argue out our reasons for 
believing them. There is no disputing with 
the reasons of the soul, no proof outside of 
themselves. 

217. The home of the body is stationary; 
the home of the soul is everywhere, in all 
things, in the realm of the mind and the 
realm of the spirit. But some souls seem to 
have no home! 

218. This delight in the mysterious is 
the vague endeavor to find the purpose and 
soul which we instinctively feel to be in all^ 
to which we are related. 

219. Love for one cannot be confined to 
that particular soul; it will overflow on our 
friends. This overflow is a test of love. 

220. By analyzing others we become 
harsh and uncharitable: by analyzing our- 
selves we become gentle and sympathetic. 

221. Hope must be for something defi- 
nite, else it is not hope but uneasy longing. 



46 THOUGHTS AND PASTELF. 

222. To give up one's rights is perhaps 
as often a sign of weakness as of strength. 

223. Both old age and youth make mis- 
takes, old age from being too conservative, 
youth from bein.g too radical, but if the 
world is to advance it is more necessary to 
be radical than conservative. 

224. There are three kinds of reserve, 
natural reserve or bashfulness, the reserve 
of purity, which shrinks from the touch of 
some persons, and the reserve of un worthi- 
ness or weakness, which wishes to appear 
better than it is. 

225. Actions are plain, but the motives 
being mixed or hidden entirely, vie are more 
apt to judge wrongly than rightly. 

226. And we cannot rightly divide be- 
tween the motives for our own actions, yet 
pass judgment on others' actions! 

227. The deepest love makes the great- 
est mistakes. 

228. Just as we may apprehend Divinity 
but not comprehend it. so must we appre- 
hend that others may be right, whether we 
can justify their deeds or not. What is 
wrong to one person may be perfectly right 
to another. 

229. If any one thing more than another 



THOUGHTS AND PASTELS. 4/ 

proves the nobility of man it is that 'tis 
easier to love than to hate. 

230. We might live in perpetual silence 
without losing very much, but no one can 
live in a perpetual round of words without 
losing very, very much. 

231. 'Insults are unconscious tributes to 
superiority. 

232. Hope is the fountain of life, renew- 
ing us daily from the iminortalities of per- 
fection. 

233. Evil apprehends good but cannot 
comprehend it: good both apprehends and 
comprehends evil. 

234. Earthly evil may be wholly evil, 
but no earthly good is unailo3"ed. 

235. Both the fanatic and the true man 
say, "Pursue Truth, at any cost," but the 
fanatic looks only at the end, the true man 
considers the n-;eans also. 

236. ''To thine own self be true;" truly, 
the most difficult thing in the world. 

237. If the head comprehends we may 
still converse, whether the heart comprehend 
or not, but when neither heart ^nor head un- 
derstand, conversation ceases. 

238. What we receive is almost exactly 



40 THOUGHTS AJJD PASTELS. 

proportioned to what we first give or are 
willing to give. 

239. To always decide slowly is folly: to 
always decide quickly is much worse folly. 

240. To truly learn from experience, the 
rules we can draw from one experience must 
be applied to other things. Few people do 
this, and thus many never learn from ex- 
perience. 

241. Foolishly saved means foolishly 
spent. 

242. Silence and tears are the only 
things that can express extreme joy as well 
as extreme grief. 

243. Fate deals the cards, and fate may 
decree that we lose; but we make niany 
mistakes in playing them, and our mistakes 
are worse than anything done by fate. 

244. Pain should be to us not as a hornet 
but as a bee: both sting, but from the bee 
we receive honey also. 

245. Man ma}^ develop himself into the 
greatest thing or the smallest thing on earth. 

246. Does the builder question the bricks 
as to whether they w'ould rather be near the 
bottom of the wall or the top, on the inside 
or the outside? They all have their places, 
and each place is important. Who knows 



THOUGHTS AND PASTELS. 49 

how greatly he is needed in the world, or 
what a crime it would be to remove himself? 

247. If man trembled as much over his 
sins as he does over the future, he would 
have less reason to dread anything the 
future might bring. 

248. Do nothing of which you would be 
ashamed to have the world know. 

249. Men honor men when they do not 
honor God, but they cannot honor God 
without honoring men. 

250. Body wavers, soul is steadfast: 
body needs change, soul needs no change: 
body asks proof: soul needs no proof: body 
doubts, soul believes. 

251. Soul can teach reason, but reason 
oannot teach soul. Soul is at once plaintiff 
and defendent, lawyer and witness, judge 
and sheriff. 

252. The bad usually improve on ac- 
quaintance; the good sometimes lose. 

253. We should instruct ourselves, not 
others, or, at least, ourselves first, then 
others through us. 

254. Beauty must contain truth, or 'tis 
not beauty. As well try to find the rose's 
perfume independent of the rose as to expect 
beauty to be independerit of the truth, 

7 



50 THOUGHTS AND PASTELS, 

255. We win our friends more throtrgb 
their noblenes;? than our own. 

256. Simplicity is one of the most nec- 
essary and profound studies of life. 

257. Sincerity always demands and re- 
ceives respect, but not sincerity nor frank- 
ness nor strength combined are able to root 
a fact in another man. Truth must first be 
present to some extent, then these aids-de- 
camp may assist. 

258. Words are but the body of thought^ 
and like our earthly body cannot be fully 
controlled; nor do they exactly express us, 

259. Thou art dissatisfied because thy 
goed acts are not admitted as such, not even 
seen? The greatest buildings have the 
deepest foundations; many stones have to 
be hidden, and who can say but your acts 
are as necessary, nay, more so, than many 
others, to some building too large for our 
eyes to measure? 

260. Great men seek simplicity in 
thoughts, in words, in illustrations, and are 
greatly fundamental. Small men seek 
greatness as if it were a fact in itself, and 
not a great combination of small things. 

261. Head-analysis and heart-feeling do 
not make a happily-married couple. 



T'HTOUGHTS AND PASTELS. 51 

^62. Looking for flowers without thorns 
is the most likely way of finding thorns 
without flowers. 

263. It is the duty of conscience not only 
to make action accord with present belief, 
but to guide the mind when it contemplates 
changing its beliefs. Beliefs change be- 
cause the mind honestly seeks truth, but 
'conscience, properly speaking, never changes 

264. Grief finds no rest in rest, but only 
in action. 

265. Many a person's most subtle 
thoughts and exquisite impressioiis are lost 
to himself and others because no one re- 
■sponds exactly to them, when if they did so 
respond other and wiser shades, from still 
more remote and delicate recesses of the 
mind, would come firmly forth, to the sur- 
prise and joy of both. 

266. The most valuable silence is that 
which is judiciously used to punctuate and 
accentuate speech with. 

267. Love is the force that unites, that 
harmonizes. Perfect love means perfect union 

268. The individual is most himself 
when he becomes most universal. 

269. Only he who is perfect need never 
?ipologize. 



52 THOU€FBTS AND PASTELS'. 

270. Half our ambition is caused by tbe 
faith of otbers in us. 

271. Those who object to any one'W 
quoting frequently never say anything 
themselves worthy of being heard, much 
less quoted. 

272. Paradoxes are the most simple and 
yet profound expressions obtainable of 
truth. This is because they contain both 
sides of truth,, or, I might say^ they bring 
the poles of truth together. 

273. We may argue about duty,- but not 
against it.- 

274. It requires as much wisdom to be' 
wisely stupid as to be simply wise. 

275. Some people are so very over-con- 
scientious and so very obstinate that if they 
once get the idea into their head that some- 
thing is wrong, if God himself should tell 
them that it was right I verily believe they 
would contradict hina. 

276. Be as wise and strong and as nearly 
perfect in every way as possible, or the time 
will inevitably come when you will falter or 
perhaps fail for lack of what you might have 
had, or should have been. 

277. God himself never puts on ms- more* 
than we can bear, but he sometimes allows 



THOUGHTS AND P4STELS. 5^-^ 

our fellow hnman-beings to put on us things 
which would be unbearable if he did not up- 
hold us. But, O suffering heart, because he 
allows such things he will always uphold us. 

278. He who is sufficient for himself \s 
the foolishest of the foolish or the wisest of 
the wise. 

279. Imagination causes misery oftener 
than happiness. 

280. Let us get what comfort we can 
from the thought that perhaps heaven will 
be inversely proportioned to all those suif- 
erings of hell which have strayed to earth. 

281. He is the strongest of all strong 
men Vv^ho can honestly smile at the grave 
of buried hope. 

282. The greatest sins committed, both 
intentionally and unintentionally, are done 
in the name of righteousness. 

288. The end of our acts is the end ot 
eternity. 

284. In objective affairs the pleasure is 
in the pursuit and not in the attainment: in 
subjective affairs the pleasure is in the at- 
tainment, or the success. 

285. To say that we know nothing is 
much more untrue than to affirm that we 
Isnow all things: the first statement is a 



54 THOUGHTS AND PABTELS. 

complete falsity, the other contains a little 
truth, as no sane man is wholly devoid of 
knowledge. 

286. There is more hope of the man who 
has great vices than of him who has no 
great virtues. 

287. The only time when failure means 
more failure than gain is when we do not 
rise above it. 

288. Truth wished to make a visible 
rosary of her parts for man's use — and 
made men write books. What w^ould books 
have been if Truth w^ere not alloyed by 
man's imperfect nature? 

289. Books bring priceless knowledge, 
but unless they develope us by throwing us 
more heavily back on ourselves w^e miss the 
greatest knowledge they can teach us. 

290. Almost anything, even fanaticism, 
is much more forgivable than flippancy. 

291. It should be a pleasure to admitj 
when we see ii, that we have made a mis- 
take or been at fault.— 'Not a pleasure in 
itself, of course, but because proof to our- 
self and evidence to others that our strife 
for purity is so sincere we will as freely 
condemn ourself, when occasion demands, 
as others. 



THOUGHTS AND PASTELS. 55 

292. Men are loved for nothing in par- 
ticular, — without reason; they are disliked 
for one or two particular things, and with 
reason. 

293. Revenge is the bastard child of 
Justice and Hate 

294. Reticence means lack of thoughts 
and stupidity oftener than depth or self- 
control. 

295. The wise are oftener foolish than 
the foolish are wise. 

296. The fisherman who cares not to 
lose or risk his flies, catches nothing. 

297. More have repented speech than 
silence. 

298. Knowledge is to some a burden on 
the back, to others a carriage. 

299. The great see resemblances; the 
little see differences. 

300. In one of the churches in Rome 
there is an elaborately painted ceiling 
which seems without beauty or harmony of 
design unless viewed from one particular 
point; so the perplexing mosaic of life can- 
not be interpreted aright save from the 
standpoint of faith, — faith in God and the 
hereafter. 



56 THOUGHTS AND PASTELS. 

301. Seeking pleasure for its own sake is 
like drinking brine to quench thirst. 

302. From one thing a genius unfolds 
the world. Most men cannot discover one 
thing from an entire world. 

.303. Talent is voluntary concentration; 
genius is involuntary concentration. 

304. Only small things deserve argu- 
ment; great things are above it. 

305. Stagnation is the result of not 
having known life: peace is the result of 
having lived, of having conquered. 

306. Harmony with God is the aim of 
this world, the one end of all religions. 
Our discords arise from the finiteness of 
our means. 

307. The genius reads others from a 
knowledge of himself; the ordinary man 
reads himself by comparison with others. 

308. "I forgive;" in what way dost 
thou forgive when thou art still influenced 
by ihe past? 

309. That friendship is very frail which 
thinks it necessary to always give presents 
in exchange for presents received. 

310. The chief business of life is to make 
distinctions. 



■i w i<i 



PASTELS IN PROSE. 



8—57 



In the forests of darkness and sadness 
There are glades from the glories above ^ 

And the guide to their infinite gladness 
Is the light of an infinite love. 



PASTELS IN PROSE. 



I. 
DUTY. 



All tbe men of the city, with one excep- 
tion, are hastening out to win or die on the 
plain below the city. The one solitary man 
reniainiog bids them be brave, and says, 
"Ye must do your duty." 

A woman who overhears him says, with 
a flash of her wavering, uncertain eyes, 
"You coward, why do you tell them to go 
but stay here yourself?" 

He turns to her slowly and replies, very 
gently and as though he saw her not, "It is 
their place to kill and be killed, it is my 
place to live and create." 

And the heavy tread of the departing men 
is confused and lost in the joyous song of a 
little bird in a cage just over their heads. 

.59 



60 THOUGHTS AND PASTELS. 

II. 

A SAINT. 

She had involuntarily revealed to him 
her love, one hour when he was in great 
danger, and now he has had to write the 
decisive word. The letter lies before him, 
and with the face an angel of God might 
wear when on an errand of mercy he seals 
and directs it. He loves her, but duty calls, 
he fancies, and marriage is not for him. 

7s he an angel of God? 

She reads the letter, but she does not 
weep or moan. She is yery calm, too calm^ 
I think, for a human bemg in such agony. 

Then she says. ''He is one of God's saints: 
may he forgive him." 

I pity her. Some of God's saints can be 
forgiven by only he himself. 



III. 

IN THE SHADOW. 

In the dark shadow of a church an old 
man is leaning against the ivy-covered wall 
and watching the worshipers as they leave. 



THOUGHTS AND PASTELS, (31 

The light would dazzle him if he were in it, 
but he is in the shadow, in a very dark 
shadow, where these worshipers cannot see 
him and so where they cannot help him, of 
course. 

These worshipers are still gazing heaven- 
ward, so that they even stumble sometimes 
as they walk from church. 

[God^slove^ God's strengthening grace. — The 
wind blows, and it is very cold to-night.) 

Many miles has this man walked to-day, 
how many perhaps no one will ever know. 
He walks back and forth a little, in the 
shadow, of course, where no one looks. He 
walks slowly, and his arms are folded, but 
he does not stand as erect as a man should 
when he folds his arms. 

He watches the worshipers, and they are 
beautiful in his sight. He watches them, 
but not with envy nor anger, nor any other 
feeling that they would dislike to know; he 
simply watches them. 

[The love of woman, the love of babes, the 
love of loving. — The snow falls thickly to-night; 
it will be deep by morning. ) 

The last of the worshipers has passed from 
the light ot the church to the light of the 
street, and the sexton also has left. 



62 THOUGHTS AND PASTELS. 

The man stops walking and sits down. 
Tiiere is no place for him to sit but in the 
snow, and he sits in the snow. 

He drops his face in his hands and tries to 
recall some words his mother taught him. 
but it is cold, and he is very hungry. 

He sits there a long time and is very 
quiet. He cannot think, but he can still 
move, and after several trials he kneels down 
in the snow. He feels strong now, and speaks 
out loud, with a firm voice. 

I hear his words but I cannot write them. 
They are the words of a curse, a curse 
against God, and I shudder. 

God himself may hear a prayer. 

After this the man is very still. I cannot 
see that he moves. 

[Music and flowers^ peace and strength^ man^s 
love and God^s love. — In heaven dwell God 
and strength and light] on earth man and weak- 
ness and darkness.) 



THOUGHTS AND PASTELS. 63 

IV. 

THE TURNING OF THE LEAF. 

The poet is saying to himself, ''This is 
perfect." 

He is seated on a log just at the edge of a 
forest that slopes up the hill back of him. 
He is gazing over the fair valley below. A 
faint wind, warm, and fragrant with the 
smell of burning leaves, floats slowly past 
and brings memories of his early youth. 

No man is near him, no sign of the imper- 
fections of man mars the affirmative and 
perfect joy of living that causes him to in- 
voluntarily clasp his hands and murmur, 
"This is perfect." 

He is quite content; he feels no satiety, 
and no lack. 

He is at peace with all the earth, and with 
the unknown things beyond the earth. He 
thinks that not even the summons of the 
angel of death could mar the tranquility of 
his feelings. Heaven? Heaven is not so 
very far away, surely, just the turn of the 
next leaf of this vast and symmetrical 
cosmos. Almost he feels that it has been 
turned, so happy, so contented, is he. 



64 THOUGHTS AND PASTELS. 

While he has been thinking, with' half- 
shut eyes, a woman has come up from the 
valley. She stands some ways from him, 
and looks at him. Suddenly he sees her, 
and starts at once to his feet. 

The wind has turned the leaf over. 



V. 

THE MEASURE OF THE DRAUGHT 
OF LIFE. 

[n one of the strange visions I had while 
on that short but marvellous journey among 
the many realms of space, I saw, in one vast 
space separate and dreary, an Angel who 
seemed very busy. I drew near him, and as 
I did so the tears slowly gathered in my 
eyes, but w^hy I could not say. I paused in 
front of him and watched in silence as he 
kept steadily at work. I wished to know 
what he was doing, but did not care to speak 
lest my voice should break, so strongly did 
he or his work affect me. 

From a large mass of gray material on his 
right, and a much smaller mass, of the most 
dazzling colors, on his left, he was taking 



THOUGHTS AND PASTELS, 65 

small portions and handing them, mixed, to 
attendants,who at once flew towards a small 
planet far, far off in the blue ether. 

From time to time he seemed ready to sink 
beneath some vast burden, but at such times 
a Voice was heard, a Voice that made me 
tremble and caused the Angel to shudder and 
resume his work. 

At last, very wearj^ and very much troub- 
led, I left him and followed one of those An- 
gels who were flying towards the planet v^^ith 
the burdens of the dark and the light. Side 
by side we flew, and soon I was able to speak, 
but at that instant the Angel said to me, ^'I 
will tell you what you wish to ask. The An- 
gel you saw measuring is undergoing his 
punishment for his life on that planet we are 
going to, a life spent in utter selfishness. 
His punishment is to mete out the joyous 
and the painful to the men ()f the earth, and, 
as you saw, the bitter things of that life far 
outweigh the sweet things. Nay, ask me not 
why the men of that earth must be so un- 
happy; there is but One in all the universe 
who can answer you that. 

"Frequently the most worthy of that peo- 
ple receive the largest burdens of the gray, 
and but little of the beautiful. Their days 

9—Hb 



66 THOUGHTS AND PABTELS. 

are passed in hope and misery mixed, and 
no man can sit down with joy and know^ that 
he shall rise with peace. When we carry to 
some mortal more of the beautiful than the 
dark, we know that he may be the chiefest 
sinner among tkem, and are sadder than 
when carrying burdens to the pure and the 
meek. 

"My own punishment, also, is this of con- 
tinually being the messenger of trouble and 
death always, and sometimes pleasure, 
though there is a worse fate than mine: there 
are some — but these are very strong and 
very wicked — who carry the gift of life." 

And as the Angel swept onward alone, I 
said to my tears as they fell, "Life, and sor- 
row, and death: yea, fall fast, tears, fall 
fast, if ye would keep pace with the way of 
the world." 



VI. 

IN THE NIGHT. 

Buddhistic. 

Richly carved is the bedstead, heavy and 
finely wrought the hangings surrounding it, 
while all the other things seem well adapted 



THOUGHTS AND PASTELS. 67 

to make any one happy who is so favored of 
the gods as to be laid thereon. Yet this 
woman, who can be dimly seen through the 
canopy, must be a strange creature. She is 
asleep, and one should be at peace, we think, 
when asleep, if at no other time. But see 
the muscles of her face, do they not twitch 
with pain, or at least unrest? And does not 
her entire body seem to slowly move^from 
side to side on that luxurious bed? Truly 
she is in pain, because now the tears are com- 
ing, slowly forced out from under the' eye- 
lids. Steadily they flow, at first dropping 
one by one from the cheek, at last running 
down the cheek to the pure, white neck. ij\ 

Can she not weep enough in the day-time, 
without marring the holy calm of the night? 
But hush: — maybe it is never daytime with 
her; there have been such, from the time 
when God and Satan both said, "It is very 
good." 

Silently, steadily, still they flow. But ah, 
relief is surely near; an angel has been sent 
on an errand of mercy, and leans tenderly 
over the poor human. He will whisper to 
her words of comfort and strength, words, 
I think, of mysterious origin, since that 



68 THOUGHTS AND PASTELS. 

wretched earth could never supply them, 
probably thej'^ are from Heaven. 

God have mercy, what a shriek that was! 
From her, her, did it come, that long hor- 
rible wail? May the great Love surround 
her! Was she deaf, then, or did the Angel's 
words but wring her heart the more? 

The Angel has gone; perhaps he can be of 
service in Heaven, since there is no place 
for him on earth. 

Let us go. She could neither see the An- 
gel, nor hear him, and we cannot help her. 
She must sleep on as best she can, alone, 
and blind, and deaf, cursed with the life of 
that planet. 

Let us return to our own sphere, and be 
glad that what those beings call joy and pain 
can never invade our Nsrvaria. 



VII. 

THE OUTCAST. 



Poor, pitiable creature! In rags, with bowed 
head and shame-faced walk, she stops me on 
the street and says, "Come with me." 

Passersby, for though it is nearly midnight 
the city is still alive, eye us curiously and 



THOUGHTS AND PASTELS. 69 

smile. T cannot yield to her request, but I 
want to help her, to think of some plan by 
which she can earn an honest living. Ig- 
norant, doubtless, and unskilled, what can 
she do? I look closely for signs of potential 
power and beauty of soul, but she is far from 
her childhood's grace, and her will has been 
weakened. I must pass on. 

As I move away, she stands still, and 
looks at me. Her eyes do not blaze, she is 
not angry, but there is something in them 
that detains me. 

She is my sister, if I am a man, she is a 
child born in His likeness, and can I leave 
her alone in her sin, ignorant and blind? If 
I have wisdom and light will they remain 
if unused? Am I better than she if I pass 
by on the other side? I, born in purity and 
bred like a human being, have still cursed 
God in the insanity of grief; I, strong, and 
having had converse with God, have still 
known the time when daily for years I have 
prayed for death, and all but laid down the 
burden of life. She, a woman, weak and 
alone, what know I of her birth and life? 
Dare I condemn her? Am I God? 

She lays a hand on my arm and whispers, 
"Help me: I am starving." 



70 THOUGHTS AND PASTELS. 

I take her hand in mine and sa}^, "My un- 
known sister, come with me. My need 
would be as great as yours if I did not help 
you. Come." 

She looks doubtful at first, but finally 
gives me her arm and walks by my side. 

There is a woman I know who can give 
her bread, and bread. To her we will go, 
and perhaps in the years to come this poor 
animal will learn a human being's capacity 
for communion with God, her Father and 
Mother, 



viir. 
LOST. 



The room is darkened, and the hush of a 
Mighty Spirit, the Spirit of the Future, en- 
velopes the room, seeming to rise from the 
silent form on the bed, the form of a woman 

In one corner and facing the bed sits a 
man, motionless, save for a barely percept- 
able swaying movement of the body, a man 
with dreamy eyes and a voluptuous chin. 
He seems in thought, and stares with large, 
steady eyes at the Spirit of the Future, which 



THOUGHTS AND PASTELS. 71 

takes the shape, in his mind, of a black 
moon floating in space. 

The door opens, and some one, a man, 
enters. He enters slowly, as though in doubt, 
but as he sees the man in the chair looking 
steadily at Something and making no motion 
he advances rapidly and touches him on the 
shoulder. His act does not seem to be 
noticed. 

The guardian of the law waits and speaks 
one word; he says, "Come". There is no 
reply, and again he touches the man, plac- 
ing himself, as he does so, between him and 
the bed on which lies the form of the woman. 
The man in the chair slowly looks up, and 
acts as if he had lost something. He feels 
himself grasped roughly by the hand, and 
led toward the door. At the door his hands 
are placed against each other, in front of him, 
and bound together. He does not resist, he 
does not speak; perhaps he does not think. 
He is led away. 

And why is he led away? 

Out of love for a woman two men met un- 
der the oaks at the rising of the sun, and the 
door of the soul of one of them had in a flash 
been opened, and the other had smiled for 
joy. But his joy changed when he told the 



72 THOUGHTS AND PASTELS. 

vvoman, for she looked at him, and then 
fell to the ground. 

Now they are together, and he is alone. 



IX. 

"IF YOU LOVE ME, LEAN HARD." 

They two had been walking in a valley all 
the day, one sometimes in front of the other, 
again side by side; they had laughed much, 
and had paid little attention to the uses of 
the various articles they noticed, but spoke 
of their great variety and curious appear- 
ance. The path had been level, winding in 
and out among fields and woods and along 
gently-flowing streams, and their most seri- 
ous occupation had been twining strings of 
flowers to swing between them. When they 
pulled too hard and broke the string they 
wept and tried to blame each other, but the}^ 
always made another string and said, "This 
one will last longer." 

As night closed in the path slowly wound 
upward among the hills. The streams of 
water grew shallower, and the oaks, with 
their lines of beauty, were exchanged for an 
occasional stifi:' and thin-branching pine. 



THOUGHTS AND PASTELS. 73 

The tlowers also were not so easily made m- 
to chains and soon they reluctantly cast 
aside their last connecting fiower-iink, which 
they had held till it almost dropped to 
pieces in their hands. 

Rapidly the path ascended. Below, the 
valley could easil}^ be seen in all its wealth 
of woods and brooks and even flowers, and 
it seemed at each step that the remembrance 
of their first careless hours grew more sweet. 
Above, a cold, tenebrous fog obscured all, 
and they alternately laughed and shivered 
in the darkness. 

They pressed onward. Indeed, they 
could not stop, much less turn backward and 
live again in the sunny valley. They drew 
near each other and the hand of each sought 
the hand of the other. The path grew 
steeper, and very rough, and very dangerous. 
Not so many words were spoken now, for 
strength was much needed, but the words 
they spoke were thoughtful and sincere. 
Each had to look well where he stepped, 
but they would sometimes stumble and cry 
out in pain, and the pain, once felt, stayed 
ever. 

Then each grasped the other's hand closer 
and said, ''Will you not Jean on me a little?" 

11—73 



74 THOUGHTS AND PASTELB, 

But although each said it earnestly neither 
one would hurden the other with hi& 
thoughts, and for a time they endured 
silently. 

When the moon came up thev fwere^^l- 
most sorry, for although they could see each 
other more clearly the emicant rays served 
mainly to reveal the pain they could but 
show in their faces At last, by degrees^ 
they talked over their trials, and as love 
saw that in dismissing sympathy from self 
and trying to save the beloved sorrow, they 
lost sympathy and gained but little, and 
because love will not be satisfied to burden 
others yet share no burdens, each cried as 
with one mind, ^'Lean more heavily on me.'^ 

And they were surprised to find that as 
each one shared the other's troubles his own 
troubles grew less weighty. As this dawned 
on them they tried to reason it out but 
could not do so. When they fully realized 
this most wonderful paradox of love, the cry 
of each came from the heart, ''If you love 
me, lean hard." 

And then and not till then they regained 
all the beauty of the happy valley-hourSy 
with added sweetness and depth. 



THOUGHTS AND PASTELS. 75 

X. 

SERAPHAEL AND SERAPHITA. 

Drawn together by the principle of 
tniitual affinity, Seraphael and Seraphita 
thought but of each other and withdrew 
themselves from among the other angels in 
Heaven. 

With greater lavishness than this world 
€an conceive had God endowed them with 
spiritual graces, and in silent and perfect 
adoration each had acknowledged his debt 
«nd his happiness. until they met each other. 
Even then, by their almost infinite strength 
and wisdom they had refrained from all 
selfishness, and without consciousness of re- 
fraining, for what would be, if measured by 
the measure bound in the mind of man, 
thousands upon thousands of cycles, and 
for many more cycles, innumerable cycles, 
they had fought selfishness. 

There came a time when they conquered 
the shadow of evil which hung over them, 
and then rang intensely through all Heaven's 
souls the reverberations of renewed love for 
the great Source of Love. 

At this time Seraphael and Seraphita 
might have been relieved from all danger of 



76 THOUGHTS AND PAgTELS'. 

again committing the same error, but they 
did not choose to accept such freedom. 
They were stronger now, they were wiser 
now, they were purer than they had been. 

But once more the self in each sought 
the other too strongly, once more the joy 
they derived from each other blinded them 
to the presence of the Supreme Source of 
Joy. They forgot that the light they so 
adored in each other was bestowed on them 
by the Essence of Light, when he called 
them forth from the Infinite and gave them 
names, and lo! they were! 

Surrounded by the Light Himself, they 
were yet in darkness unless near each other. 

Then God spake. 

When they heard Jiis voice they were 
afraid. Th6y turned themselves to listen. 

God spake, and they heard His words. 

"Because you have forgotten God while 
in Heaven, you shall struggle to remember 
Him while in a new place, — struggle end- 
lessly, and well-nigh in vain. 

''Because the Light of the Absolute was 
no light to you, you shall seek the Light 
with many tears, troubled, and doubting^ 
and never agreeing between yourselves as to 
what is light and what is darkness. 



THOUGHTS AND PASTELS. 77 

^'Because you refused the perfection I 
gave you, you shall be tormented by the 
imperfections I now give you. 

'*For wrapped in swaddling-bands you 
shall be, the dark bainds of bodies of earth, 
narrow, and vile, and in every way unfit. 
Through these you shall re-learn the laws of 
Heaven, through these you shall procreate 
your kind, and the sufferings borne by your 
children shall be borne again by you before 
you can regain Heaven. 

. "You have desired each other more than 
you have desired me: take each other as 
fully as you can, and bless or curse your- 
selves as you will. 

''Go! I create a sphere for you, the Earth. 
If you seek me eju'ly, you shall find me. I 
will not leave you wholly, because I cannot 
be unjust, but if you seek me, seek me through 
each other. Only thus, by unselfishness, 
shall your crime of loving the part and not 
the Whole, be blotted out." 

In this manner sinned the two Angels, 
Seraphael and Seraphita, whom we call 
Adam and Eve. 



78 THOUGHTS AND PA.STELS. 

XI. 

THE DANCE. 

The musician is playing on his violin, 
and all who are within reach of the music 
are dancing. 

Out of their extreme joy they stumble 
against the musician, and knock him down, 
and the music stops. While he is regaining 
his feet they jeer at him, and some curse 
him for his weakness. He does not reply. 
Again he plays and again they dance. 

He plays more ravishingly than before, 
because he is wounded, and because he can- 
not help doing his best. 

He does not dance himself, and when 
some one calls attention to it they all de- 
mand of him the reason. He gives them 
no reply, and they whisper among them- 
selves. 

Although his eyes are shut he knows that 
they and he are drifting apart. But he 
holds his violin closer to him and plays 
with a wondrously calm strength: the tears 
fall, it is true, but only the strong can weep. 

His tears are not wiped away: he is too 
bu&y, and the others are dancing. 



THOUGHTS AND PASTELS. 79 

Suddenly, in the yery height of a passion- 
ate out-burst of melody, such as makes 
even the dancers themselves almost too 
happy to move, there falls silence. One of 
the dancers shouts roughly to the musician, 
and, as a most excellent jest, pinches the 
eye-lids of the prostrate man and raises 
them. Horror-stricken, he turns to his fel- 
lows and tries to speak, but no words issue 
from his lips. 

The crowed gather around, and are silent. 
Some of them are soon ashamed to be so 
quiet, and turn away to dance as well as 
they can. The others, as with one consent, 
gently raise the body and bear it to a quiet 
place. 

They move slowly and reverentlv, because 
he is dead, and they are even for a few 
moments a little Jess rough than usual with 
one another. 

Then they buy a stone, not a very costly 
one, but at least of more vnlue than aught 
owned by the musician before, and they 
carve on it holy words, words of life, such 
as never came to his ears while alive. 

. Then they sit down and weep, because 
thev would dance and there is no music. 



80 THOUGHTS AND PASTELS, 

XII. 

THE UNBUILT lEMPLE. 

An Angel appean^ to a young man in his 
deep. 

"Tread watchfully the path of thy life, 
young man, for in the days to come it shall 
be thy lot to build a mighty temple, and 
this tenj[)le shall be called great and 
wonderful by all th}^ fellows, so exceedingly 
mighty shall it be. See thou value rightly 
the great things and the small things of 
earth, and build thy temple so grandlj^ that 
even thy enemies shall have to say, 'He is 
great.' " 

The Angel vanishes^ and the man wakes and 
muses. 

"This thing is from above. I will dwell 
carefully on it and heed well the words of 
the wise one. Let me be very strong and 
very patient. 

"Shall I, born to do some gest or utter 
some divine law, presume to run the risk of 
missing my duty because occupied with 
trifles? I will not waste myself on trifles and 
dissipate all my strength before this great 
thing faces me, but will sit down and wait 
for i'u and when it comes it shall find me 



THOUGHTS AND PASTELS. 81 

fully prepared. This is surely the wisest 
way, to be always ready for the performance 
of my great duty." 

The years pass sloivly, and the young man sits 
■still and watches very keenly for a sign. 

But the years pass and the sign comes not. 

The years pass and bring the hour of death ^ 
and the Angel appears again. 

"Accursed art thou, in that thou hast not 
performed that wonderful deed I foretold 
thee it should be thy privilege to do." 

With sorrow and loith anger the old man 
raises his head. 

"Is it my sin that I could not do what 
w^as not to be done? I watched, and waited., 
and prayed, and crushed life's pleasures, 
and sat very still, but there was no great 
deed for me to do, no wise word for me to 
say. Is it my sin?" 

The face of the Angel grows dark^ and his 
'Voice becomes like unto the undertone of the sea. 

"Yea, it is thy sin! 

"The great deed thou didst miss would 
have been made up of the little things thou 
didst choose to pass by. 

"What more shall I say? Thou hast 
sinned, yea, thou hast sinned, because thou 

didst not see the greatness of trifles, nor 

12— ai 



82 THOUGHTS AND PASTELS. 

remember that what thou didst call 'little 
things' might be built by thee into a noble 
temple." 

The old man bows his head and is silent, 
because the years come and the years pass, and 
not for small things nor for great things may the 
years turn backimrd. 



XTII. 

THE HOUSE OF ANNIHILATION. 

White shapes hover pityingly around 
this man and moan with ruth for him. He 
lies face downward on a vermeil cloud 
kindly stretched between him and the 
waters by the ministering shapes, a cloud 
woven of peace and strength. 

The black rays of light from above are 
let from descending on him, and the yawn- 
ing, turgid whirlpool of death beneath, 
which cries horribly for him also is thwart- 
ed: angels gather in their bosoms the rays 
and mantle him in a vacuum against the 
cries. Yet maugre all their care the soul 
shivers and shrinks. A vision, too large 
and too black for them to relieve, a tangible 
vision within himself, is the cause. Alone 



THOUGHTS AND PA6TELB. 83 

he thinks himself, but if he were — if he 
were that vision would draw around him 
with the irresistible sweep of death. The 
vision affects the heavenlj^ angels, though 
they do not see it. They are fresh from God, 
but the seer is mortal. 

It is a vision of life ivithout love. 

Motionless, the soul is swallowed up by 
the darkness of life, enveloped, powerless, 
bound by a veil wrought on the loom of 
outer blackness. No words destroy his sight 
of the vision, no thoughts sail between him 
and that open grave: silence speaks despair. 

The angels grow weak from long vigils 
and call to God, near eternity's term, for 
strength or wisdom. Their leader listens, 
then breathes, "It is enough." He directs 
their flight and they slowly bear the heavy 
burden of that soul to a house builded by 
God between heaven and hell, a house 
founded on love and composed of infinite 
mercv. They bear him thither gently, and 
then sing duans of joy to God for having 
provided the House of Annihilation. 



M THOUGHTS AND PASTELS, 

XIV. 

PERFUMES. 

Perfumes, tangible souls of all the lovable 
things of earth, approach me, your younger 
brother, freely. In thy spirit-life the nox- 
ious gases that have overpowered me shall 
sink downward below the earth; the dark 
vapors and fenny fogs that rise rankly from 
the peccant earth shall be dissipated into 
nothingness when ye come joyously to me 
on your emicant wings of light. 

Delicate and laughing visitants from the 
ethereal abode of the Future, breathe into 
my desolate soul the air made tremulous 
and intoxicating by the musical and subtle 
breath of the morning stars as they sing to- 
gether, and tell me the reasons for their 
mysterious and perpetual rapture. Whisper 
to me the secrets beyond and above these 
thick bars imprisoning me, — whisper of the 
source of the soul, of the Saturnian realms 
whence love and peace sometimes flash to 
us visions of ineffable and unutterable glory, 
and it may be that thy ravishing strains 
will be faintly echoed from the lips of man- 
Tune my soul into harmony with the Life 
whence you draw your existence, spirits- 



THOUGHTS AND PASTELS. 85 

vague but strong, and rare, and perfect. 
Veil me with thy cirrus clouds of celestial 
vapor new and dreamy, enfold me with th}^ 
subtle essence of sweetness and light, and 
let me live in thy spiritual rapture ever- 
more! 



XV. 

THROUGH MEN. 

A woman is in much pain of spirit. 
Affliction the hardest has visited her, and 
her heart is cold and hard. She is too in- 
different to man to hate him, but against 
God her hate revels in curses; He has 
laughed at her. He has tempted her. He has 
robbed her of joy, even the joy of hope. 

After a time she slowly and steadily takes 
a bottle in her hand. Nothing in the Beyond 
can be worse, and her death will be an ex- 
cellent revenge, an excellent joke, against 
Him who wants her to live. 

A man who does not know her — does not 
even know her name, but who saw her face 
yesterday, is praying for her. His sympa- 
thy is so deep it reaches the fountain of tears 
and they fall — not to the ground but— into 



86 THOUGHTS AND PASTELS. 

my brother's hand, my angel-brother, who 
changes them by our Heavenly alchemy in- 
to thoughts of wi?dom and love and peace, 
in which form the angel carries them to 
the woman. She listens, and is recalled. 
She puts down the bottle, and with a great 
sob falls to her knees. 

This is no place for me or any other angel; 
I withdraw. The work God gave me to do 
has been done and done by a human in a 
better way. 



XVI. 

THE PASSING OF A MAN'S SOUL. 

A man sat by a darkened window, intent 
on his work, which must be done or the 
body would perish. 

"Father," came a child's voice from an 
inner room, "father, will you not take me out 
to see the procession now?" 

The man, who sat by the window but 
never looked out, kept his eyes down on his 
work and replied, "Time enough, child, 
time enough." 

Outside, moment after moment and hour 
after hour the eternal procession of glorious 



THOUGHTS AND PASTELS. 87 

but idle angels sped on. The man could 
not see them. He heard a confused mur- 
mur of voices, and felt irritated at them and 
at his work, but did not feel the need of an 
interpreter. 

''Father," came the delicate voice again, 
''father, it is very dark here, and I hear 
voices calling me, calling me; will you 
not open the door?" 

"Time enough, child, time enough," and 
the man's work went on. 

There was silence for a long time. After 
a while a faint sigh was heard. The man 
bent his head to listen and opened his lips 
to say, "Time enough, child," but this time 
no words came to his ears. He went on 
with his work. 

He thought he was relieved, [his ivork 
ivent steadily on,) and after awhile forgot that 
he had ever heard a sound from the inner 
room. 

The eternal procession of glorious but idle 
angels sped on and in Heaven the watchers 
whispered one to another, "It was but six 
months old, when it should have been nine; 
will it live?" 

THU END. 



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